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Poet Wants To Sell His Testicles To Any Interested Parties For $20,000

Dillon Wilson on 10/09/2013

POINTS OF VIEW – Columbian poet Rafael Medina Brochero, wants to sell his testicles for $20,000 in order to finance a trip to Europe in which he’ll participate in “Poetry for Peace in Colombia”. The 52 year old suggests that his testicles might be able to be transplanted into a sterile person or used to [...]

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New Report Shows Middle Class Now On Endangered Species List

Dillon Wilson on 10/08/2013

WASHINGTON— Based on the latest reports from the nation’s leading economists, the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service announced Monday that the American Middle Class now qualifies for protection on the endangered species list. “What’s sad is that the great American Middle Class once roamed freely across the continent spending money openly at shopping malls, going [...]

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Earwax Loses Battle With Determined Finger

Dillon Wilson on 10/03/2013

HEALTH – According to eyewitness accounts, a stubborn hard to reach clump of earwax, that had been menacing long time trailer park resident Joe Bickford, finally was defeated by Joe’s gnarled pinky finger on Saturday. “I done good!” shouted an ecstatic Joe, after wiping his finger across the front of his shirt. “It was a [...]

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Breaking News: Weiner Still A Dick

Dillon Wilson on 10/02/2013

POINTS OF VIEW – Anthony Weiner ended his primary campaign for Mayor of New York City, after losing to Bill de Blasio. At Weiner’s election night party, Syndey Leathers, Weiner’s 23 year old sexting partner, was in attendance and told reporters that she thinks Weiner needed some sex therapy. Weiner was in a sour mood [...]

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FDA Tells Food Manufacturers 3 Pieces of Rat Shit Ok

Dillon Wilson on 10/01/2013

WASHINGTON—In their recently released handbook, the Food And Drug Administration told food manufacturers that 3 pieces of rat shit in food is ok. Yet 4 pieces of rat shit is too much. “We understand it’s economically impractical to process food that’s totally free of naturally occurring contaminants,” said acting FDA spokesperson Bill Loney during an [...]

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Raytheon Scientist Told To Make It Melt Skin Faster

Dillon Wilson on 09/26/2013

TECHNOLOGY – After testing their latest scientific breakthrough to benefit humanity, a missile that vaporizes human life in .3 seconds flat, Raytheon scientist Louis Stevens was instructed to ‘make it melt off human skin faster’, sources confirmed Friday. “We love how the missile can liquefy bone inside a human body yet leave the surrounding banks [...]

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Vatican City Resident Caught Redhanded Downloading Porn

Dillon Wilson on 09/25/2013

POINTS OF VIEW – Two adult film stars were surprised and upset to discover that their adult film had been pirated and downloaded by someone inside the Vatican. The video contained lesbian women flogging, paddling and spanking each other before actually engaging in hardcore sex. The incident was discovered by Torrent Freak, who determined that [...]

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Republicans Blast Obama For Not Praying Hard Enough

Dillon Wilson on 09/24/2013 Barack Obama

WASHINGTON, DC—President Obama, already receiving stiff criticism for his handling of the situation in Syria, has come under fire from Senate and House Republicans over what they call his “weak and indecisive” use of prayer for national guidance and assistance. “He simply isn’t praying hard enough! Every time our country faces some new crisis, the [...]

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9-Year-Old Vows To Give Up Smoking After Pet Frog Dies From Second Hand Smoke

Dillon Wilson on 09/19/2013

HEALTH— Describing the death of ‘Froggie’, his third pet in the span of two years to die from his second hand smoke, as a “real wake up call,” underweight 9-year-old Justin Connor announced Monday that he was finally going to quit smoking. The 90-pound 4th grader, who underwent surgery in 2011 for ‘smoking induced bronchitis’ [...]

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Criminals Busted By Accidentally Butt Dialing Police

Dillon Wilson on 09/18/2013

POINTS OF VIEW – 2 criminals accidentally butt dialed the Fresno Police Department moments before they committed a crime. The 911 dispatcher initially tried to tell them to hang up the phone yet then decided to listen in. The 2 men complained that “they need weed” and proceeded to break into a car and steal [...]

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